I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
