I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your cock deserves a montage
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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