She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
