ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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