You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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