at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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