What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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