she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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