Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
