Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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