Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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