Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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