We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
