I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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