singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
