I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
