Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
