p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
