I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
