also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
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