his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
