mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
