I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
