I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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