Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
