So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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