Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
