dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
