she looked like the before picture.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
