I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're too hungover to prance.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
