ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
