Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
