dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
