How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize