Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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