No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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