Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize