The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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