Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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