He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
