Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
