just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
