3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize