laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sarcasm needs its own font
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
