i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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