she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was born a porn star she said
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
