Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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