i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize