2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
