i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
