So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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