The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
