i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
