she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
