11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
