i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
