I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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