i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
