I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
