Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
