I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
