I cockslap morals
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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