Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
