i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize