apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
