i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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