Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Also, beer. Big fan.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
