Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
