I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What a dumb baby whore.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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