lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize