Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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