So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
