I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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