dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
