just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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