Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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