oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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