Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
