hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
