He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
