So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
