beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
