I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
