I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
