i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sex in a hospital.. check
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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