just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
