Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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