Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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