I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
