Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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