he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
