we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize