my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
