He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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