So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
