I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
