she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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