wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
