I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
