So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
