we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want nice things and good sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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