WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
