I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
