hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
