i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
