Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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