Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
