i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
